A Bond so Intimate, Love so Precious…
I
Corinthians 7:1-16
Introduction: Going verse by verse through a book of the Bible
will remind us that the Lord cares about every aspect of our lives, and that the
Bible speaks to God’s plan for us. First Corinthians 7 brings us to God’s plan for marriage.
Poet Ogden Nash (no relation!) has a rather sarcastic humor in many of
his poems. I recall one verse regarding marriage:
“To keep
you marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup,
when you are wrong, admit it. When you are right, shut
up!”
He
is not the first to find humor in marriage, none other than Socrates said in
the subject of marriage, “By all means, marry! If you get a good wife you will
be very happy. If you get a bad one, you will become a philosopher, and that
too is good for any man.” With such “fool
proof” advice, how is it the 50% of our marriages, even among believers, end in
divorce? Why is it that many do not
highly value marriage today? I think it is because the enemy has blinded us to
God’s design for marriage.
It may be, in hearing the scripture
reading, that you wonder how this passage relates to you. We have young married
couples, others that have been married for many decades. We have singles, we
have widows and widowers. We have seniors and we have teens. I think whatever
our situation in life, whatever our age, we want to know what the Bible says
about marriage so that we can encourage others and so that we can be
strengthened in whatever state we are individually, knowing that God has chosen the
marriage relationship to illustrate his love and commitment to the church.
Because of sin many marriages are a
source of struggle, and even pain and heart break. And so some consider marriage as something
better avoided. Why take the risk? For
one thing, when God created humans, he created them male and female. We read in
Genesis 1:26-28,
Then
God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them
have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and
over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that
creeps on the earth." 27
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male
and female he created them. 28
And God blessed them. And God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply and
fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and
over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the
earth."
Our sexuality is part of God’s design for us. God created Adam, and even in the pre-fall “good”
creation He said, “It is not good for the
man to be alone…” He gave Adam a wife that was his perfect complement, the “help-mate”
that completed him. With the rest of
creation, before the fall, God pronounced the marriage relationship “good.” To
the degree our marriages reflect God’s design we can experience the blessing
that God intended for us. Fittingly, one of the most beautiful and intimate
pictures of the union of Christ and the Church is the marriage relationship
(Rev. 19:7-9; cf. Eph. 5:25-28a).
7 Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory,
for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself
ready; 8 it was granted her
to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure"- for the fine linen is
the righteous deeds of the saints. 9
And the angel said to me, "Write this: Blessed are those who are invited
to the marriage supper of the Lamb." And he said to me, "These are
the true words of God…" (Revelation 19:7-9).
Why
is this relationship so precious? The Lamb is this bridegroom, Jesus, and the
bride is the church. Paul also used the
relationship between Christ and the church to illustrate the bond of marriage
in Ephesians 5:25-28a,
25Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the
church and gave himself up for her, 26
that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with
the word, 27 so that he might
present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such
thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should
love their wives as their own bodies…
I
entitled the message today, “A Bond so intimate, a love so precious…” A bond
that can illustrate the eternal bond between the Lord and His church, a love so
precious that it can reflect the love that sent Jesus to the cross to save us.
That is…
The Big Idea: God has designed the intimacy of the marriage union
to be a lifetime bond between husband and wife, a picture of the union between
Christ and His church.
I. Marriage
is God’s Plan for most of us (7:1-9).
Here is the ESV translation…
Now
concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for a man not to
have sexual relations with a woman."
2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each
man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his
wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have
authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does
not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another,
except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves
to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you
because of your lack of self-control. 6
Now as a concession, not a command, I say this.
7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own
gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. 8 To the unmarried and the widows
I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise
self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame
with passion.
A couple of things to note at the
outset. Notice the opening line of I Corinthinans 7, “Now concerning the things about which you wrote…” Paul is now
transitioning from the reports that he had received concerning what was going
on in Corinth, to the subjects that they had written to him about in a letter.
The problem for us is that we don’t have the letter the Corinthians sent to
Paul, only his answers. Therefore we have to read between the lines a bit to
try and understand what they had asked, and we need to recognize that Paul is
not giving a complete dissertation on the subject of Christian marriage, he is
answering the questions of the Corinthians.
As we read this it seems as though perhaps some were advocating “celibacy”
as a preferable lifestyle for Christians. Since, as of last count, we are planning to
have three couples “dedicate” eight of their children to the Lord next week, our
church has focused more on the idea, “be fruitful and multiply!” How does Paul answer their questions?
Singleness [and with that Paul assumes celibacy!]
is God’s plan for some, but it is not His plan for most of us (1,2). First
of all, notice that the ESV once again is telling us that they believe Paul is
initially quoting the Corinthians, “It is
good for a man not to have sexual relations with [lit, “not to touch”] a woman.” It seems likely this is either
something that the Corinthians wrote in their letter to Paul, or something they
were quoting from a teacher within their church (hence it is in quotation marks
in the ESV). From the context we’ll see
that some had interpreted that to mean they shouldn’t marry, and others had
even suggested that the married should be “celibate” even in their marriage
relationship! “Nevertheless, on account of [the temptation to] sexual immorality, let
each man have his own wife, and each woman her own husband…” God has designed us for marriage, and unless,
like Paul, he has given you the gift of singleness, you are stronger in that
relationship than you can be alone, for one thing, because in a healthy
marriage, you are less vulnerable to sexual temptation.
Intimacy
in marriage is important and must not be neglected (3-6). For the married
Paul acknowledge that we are created to have a deep level of intimacy with our
spouse, and the marriage bed is a part of that. There is a closeness, a bond, a
transparency that we share that is unique. When God created Eve and she came to
Adam, he recognized her as his perfect complement, the “helpmate suitable for him.” The moment he saw her he said, essentially, “This
is it! This is what I’ve been waiting for!” What is Paul saying here in our
text? Look again at 7:3-6,
3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal
rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.
4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but
the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own
body, but the wife does. 5 Do
not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that
you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that
Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 Now as a concession, not a
command, I say this.
Notice
that there is mutuality here, it is not that the “husband has the right” and
the “wife has the duty.” Together, they commit to the kind of sharing and
intimacy for which they were created. If
we neglect the marriage bed we are opening ourselves up to the possibility of
temptation, and exposing our spouse to temptation. That is never an excuse, sin
is never justifiable, but our enemy has been around a long time, and he is an
expert in human vulnerabilities. The “concession”
Paul mentions in v.6 refers to the immediately preceding verse, to the
exceptional situation of a couple abstaining, by mutual consent, for a short period
that they might devote themselves to prayer. Sex is never a weapon to use against our
spouse, it is not to be withheld to control our spouse, it is a gift from God,
designed to lead us into deepened intimacy, transparency, and “oneness.”
Each of us should recognize and seek
God’s plan and will (7). Some of you
may be single, not by choice. You may be thinking, “All this is great, I’d love
to be married if God sent the right person along, but here I am!” Well later in
this chapter Paul will address that situation. Whatever state we are in God can
and will use us if we are available to him. He is our strength and His grace is
sufficient. While you are single devote yourself to deepening your relationship
with the Lord, and be open and submissive to His will as you look ahead.
Singleness has advantages, and
Marriage is not for everyone, but it is preferable for most (8, 9).
8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is
good for them to remain single as I am. 9
But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better
to marry than to be aflame with passion.
That
is strong language. Paul will later talk of his own singleness which he
viewed as a gift that has allowed him greater availability for ministry,
but that is not for everyone, it is not for most of us. Later he’ll talk about some of the advantages
of singleness, but for many, it can be more of a distraction than an advantage.
Each has his own gift from God. Marriage
is not something to be entered into lightly. As we have been developing our
church policy it is increasingly clear that pre-marital counselling is a great
opportunity that we want to encourage to help prepare couples for the
challenges they will surely face. God
has designed the intimacy of the marriage union to be a lifetime bond between
husband and wife, a picture of the union between Christ and His church.
II.
Marriage is a lifetime commitment between a man and a woman (10-11).
10 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the
Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she
does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and
the husband should not divorce his wife.
Paul is reiterating what Jesus had taught:
God has designed marriage to be a lifetime commitment between a man and a
woman. Any provision or situation where
divorce results is a concession to human frailty and a reminder of our need for
grace. If God designed marriage to be
a lifetime commitment, what do you think Satan wants? Even from the start,
in so many cases today, people enter marriage with the idea, “Well, if it doesn’t
work out…” My counsel to couples would be to talk through your expectations and
your commitment to the marriage, and to decide before hand, whatever you
confront , whatever the challenges or obstacles you face, divorce is not an
option, we will not go there, we will determine, with God’s help, to
work through the situation together. “The
easy in, easy out” approach to marriage so prevalent today is not from God.
Young singles, teens, listen,
marriage is a beautiful thing, there is a level of sharing and intimacy that is
a great blessing from God. But don’t rush. Be sure to include God as you seek
the kind of spouse he wants for you. Determine in your heart to save yourself for that person. The world might say "casual sex" is just fine, God calls it "immorality," porneia. There may be some older singles or some widows of widowers here, and
maybe you are asking what this has to do with you. Part of our responsibility
as older men and women in the church is to encourage and teach those who are
younger. We need to pray for the younger generation, we need to encourage them
to walk with God and to not let the world force them into its mold. Remember, our enemy is going about like a
roaring lion seeking someone to devour. God created sex, and He called it good.
And he ordained a context in which it is to be enjoyed. One man, one woman,
committed to each other in marriage for life.
We sometimes include the statement in our
wedding vows, “Until death do us part.” That should be our attitude as we enter
into marriage, a lifetime commitment, until death part us. God has designed the intimacy of the marriage
union to be a lifetime bond between husband and wife, a bond so intimate, a
love so precious, that is becomes a picture of the union between Christ and His
church.
III. A
Faithful Spouse “Sanctifies” the Family
(12-16).
12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any
brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he
should not divorce her. 13 If
any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her,
she should not divorce him. 14
For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving
wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be
unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15
But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the
brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. 16 Wife, how do you know whether
you will save your husband? Husband, how do you know whether you will save your
wife?
You might ask, “What about if my spouse
doesn’t believe?” Paul says here, if they will stay with you, you had better be
willing to stay with them! The situation
here is probably a case where one spouse came to faith and the other was not
ready to make that decision. Paul says you are still “one flesh,” you are
married, and God would have you to be faithful to that commitment.
Notice, the spouse is “set apart,” as
are the children – Next week we are going to have a crowd up hear, several
couples will be dedicating their children to the Lord. That attitude is what Paul
is speaking to in this passage. They are acknowledging their children as a gift
from God, and affirming their desire to raise them in the way of the Lord. They
are saying their children have been set apart by God and for God. There is also
a sense in which a spouse who has not yet believed is “set apart” by a believing
spouse, and their children are “set apart” as well. How? They live and grow up
exposed to the gospel, hearing Scripture, being prayed for, seeing the
difference Jesus makes in a person’s life. That makes a tremendous impact on children
coming at an early age to faith in Christ. We saw last week, in I Peter, the power of a faithful
witness in the family. “Dedication” is a statement that we will do our best as
parents to be good examples, to be “faithful witnesses,” and to raise our
children in the “way of the Lord.”
If
the unbelieving spouse leaves... the believer is “not enslaved,” This seems to imply that in the case of desertion by
an unbelieving spouse if the “brother or sister,” the believing spouse, the one
who is who is left behind, desires to remarry he (or she) is free to do so, “he
is not in bondage.” Reconciliation should be sought, staying celibate is an
option, but if there is no other way, the believer is allowed to marry, “in the
Lord.” Why persevere in the marriage?
Paul says, “How do you know if you will
save [your husband/wife]?” We know
that we don’t save anyone, but Paul is speaking a kind of “shorthand” here: “Save”
in the sense, “used by God that our witness might win them to Christ.” We saw
similar language last week in the passage for Mother’s Day, I Peter 3:1-2,
Likewise,
wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the
word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives- 2 when they see your respectful
and pure conduct.
That is how deeply God values
the marriage relationship, that is how important it is to Him.
What is God saying to me in this
passage? God has designed the
intimacy of the marriage union to be a lifetime bond between husband and wife,
a picture of the union between Christ and His church.
What would God have me to do in
response to this passage? In the following context Paul will talk about
contentment. And it surely is true, that marriage is such a significant, once
in a lifetime commitment that one should enter it very, very carefully, seeking
wise counsel, honestly asking God for His will and leading. If your gift is singleness be faithful, seek
intimacy with God and be available for him to use and he will. If that is not your gift, seek a believing
spouse, prayerfully, knowing that you will be making a commitment to another
human, before God, for the rest of your life. Socrates was “philosophical” about it, for
the believer we have God’s word in Proverbs 18:22, “He who
finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” A bond
so intimate, a love so precious, that the Lord used it to illustrate His
commitment to and His love for the church.
Think about that! AMEN.
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