Pilgrim Living in a Fallen World: Gospel Centered Families
I Peter 3:1-7
Introduction:
Dr. Edmund Clowney said “Marriage is not a sacrament conveying divine grace,
but it is the human relationship that God has designed to mirror the love of
Christ for the church, and of the church for Christ.” Remember the context.
I Peter 2:9-12 talks about our lives as “pilgrims” and our calling to be a
witness to the world. Do we “…live such good lives among the pagans…”
that God is glorified? Submission to authority
is an aspect of “pilgrim living in a fallen world.” Peter has talked about
government and our workplace and how our respect for authority opens a door for
our witness to the Gospel. Here he talks about how our faith can have an impact
on our family, starting with our spouse.
With
all the uncertainties of living in a fallen world, we can influence our spouse,
our children, and others in our sphere of influence toward coming to the truth,
and one way we do that is the example we set in our marriage
relationship. We speak the truth in
love, and we flesh it out in our living. One aspect of a “pilgrim family,” is a
husband and wife that realize that our Maker created the family, and that His
design for the family is best, no matter what culture is saying at the moment.
This is a critical application of Paul’s words to the Romans 12:1,2, “…do
not be conformed to the world…”, or as one paraphrase puts it, “don’t
let the world force you into it’s mold…”! God has designed the marriage
relationship so that the man and the woman complement one another, they
complete each other. They recognize God’s plan and long to walk in it. As
we do, by living in a devoted, sacrificial relationship with our spouse, we
bear witness to God’s grace (the gospel).
The Maine* Idea: Our relationship with our spouse illustrates our
love for God (and God’s love for us!) and is a witness to our spouse, to our
children, and to the world.
I. Our life is a testimony to our spouse of our faith
in God: Biblical submission can win an unsaved spouse to faith in Christ (3:1-2).
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even
if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of
their wives- 2when they see your respectful and pure
conduct.
“Likewise…”
This reminds us that we need to read and understand Peter’s exhortation here in
its context. Back in 1 Peter 2:11-13 we read,
11 Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and
exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against
your soul. 12 Keep your conduct among the Gentiles
honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your
good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation. 13 Be
subject for the Lord's sake to every human institution…
That is the context. Is the gospel and God’s mission
more important than your “rights”? He says we need to recognize and respect the
authorities that God has allowed in our lives. Then in 2:15-18 he
begins to get more specific,
15 For this is the will of God, that by doing good
you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people. 16 Live
as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil,
but living as servants of God. 17 Honor
everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor. 18Servants,
be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and
gentle but also to the unjust.
We are to live as God’s servants, so we respect government
and we follow our boss’s directions at work, even when we don’t always
agree. That respect garners the attention of the world, and it bears
witness to the gospel. Then in 3:1 he says, “…[likewise] wives,
be subject to your own husbands…” This entire context is talking
about a servant attitude, guided by love, respecting the authorities that God
has established, but about all, “living as servants of God” (2:16). In 3:7 he says, “Likewise, husbands...”
So Peter is talking about our mutual responsibilities in the
family and the power of our witness, to an unsaved spouse, to our children, and
to the world. Jesus himself is the
example. Peter just lifted up the Gospel and the message of the cross as an
example of selfless service. It is what Paul spoke of to the Philippians when
he said,
5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in
Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count
equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but made himself nothing,
taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being
found in human form, 8 he humbled himself by becoming obedient to
the point of death, even death on a cross.
The motivation for a believing woman is to win her
husband to faith: “…so that even if some do not obey the word they
may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives…” There were
some women who had come to faith, and either their husbands had not yet been
saved, or if they had, they were not walking with the Lord. The husbands
had heard the gospel. How do we know that? “…they do not obey the word…” That
means they heard the word, they knew the truth, but
they were not walking in obedience to the truth. They didn’t believe. Even in
such a case Peter says, the wife respects the position of leadership in the
family that God has established. So he says…
Be subject to your own husband – This passage is specifically referring to
“your own husband.” That makes it clear that that it is the
husband/wife relationship, the family, that Peter is referring to. It doesn’t
mean that couples don’t talk through their decisions together. Women are
not called to leave their brain at the marriage altar. It means that she recognizes that God has
established an order in the family, and given the husband the responsibility to
lead. She respects and encourages that and follows his leadership.
What
about the husband that “does not obey the word”? This isn’t saying the
wife follows the husband into sin. But neither does the wife spoken of
here incessantly beat her husband over the head with the gospel. She loves him,
she respects him as the head of the family, and her “respectful and pure
conduct” can be used by God to “win him without a word.” That
“respectful and pure conduct” is not only seen day in and day out by her
husband, but it is also teaching the children, by example, God’s design for the
family. And she shows her extended family and friends that she believes God is
real, His way is best, and she trusts Him. That is faith, believing God, taking
Him at His Word. And in the marriage
relationship that attitude should characterize believing wives and husbands.
The gospel, and our mission, takes precedence over my “rights.” We’ll see in a
minute that it is mutual. So, our relationship with our spouse illustrates our
love for God and is a witness to our spouse, to our children, and to the world.
II. Our relationships must not be based on the
superficial but come from the heart and from faith in God (3-6).
3 Do not let your adorning be external- the
braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of
clothing- 4 but let your adorning be the hidden
person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,
which in God's sight is very precious.
Peter goes on to give more teaching about what this
beautiful example really looks like, first of all, the negative: “Do not let
your adorning be external…”
What does
true beauty look like (3,4)? This is not
saying that women shouldn’t do their hair or wear jewelry. How do I know that?
Look at the next phrase, “or the putting on of clothing…” If it meant
that they shouldn’t braid their hair or wear jewelry, then it must also mean
they shouldn’t put on clothing, it can’t mean that! The world certainly has
it’s own ideas of “beauty” and we can get caught up in that. Even
Christian young people sometimes struggle with a poor self-image because of
what culture is telling them is “beautiful.” “Beauty” as the world
defines it is fleeting, it is temporary. External “beauty” is truly only skin
deep. Rather than the merely external, Peter urges, “…but let your
adorning be the hidden person of the heart…” God looks on the heart, and Peter
is saying that is where true, lasting beauty, begins.
“…with
the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit…” A gentle and quiet
spirit, respectful submission to her husband in the role that God has given him
to lead the family, is a kind of beauty that will never diminish, it never
grows old, it doesn’t fade. In fact, it is a beauty “…which in God’s sight
is very precious…” The word “precious” here is not very common in
the Bible. It appears only two other times in the New Testament. In the Greek
translation of the Old Testament, the Septuagint, it appears another dozen
times or so. One of those is in Proverbs 31:10, “An excellent wife who can
find? She is far more precious than jewels.” She is more precious
than any treasure, her example is priceless to her husband and family, and is a
witness to the world.
Examples of “inner
beauty” have been revealed throughout history (5-6).
5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God
used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their husbands, 6as
Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do
good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
We can look to Scripture and learn from the examples,
positive and negative, that are recorded there.
1. First,
notice that Peter refers to “…holy women who hoped in God…”
They are described as “holy,” i.e. “set apart.” Based on the context this
was a holiness that could be seen, it was evident in their conduct.
2. They
were “…holy women who hoped in God…” “Hope” does not
imply pie in the sky wishful thinking that everything is going to somehow work
out. This is biblical hope, a confidence about the future that is rooted in
faith in God.
3. “…submitting
to their husbands as Sarah obeyed Abraham and called him lord…” Sarah
was a beautiful, strong woman, and she recognized God’s design for the family.
She followed Abraham and affirmed his leadership. He surely made some pretty
big mistakes along the way. But she recognized God’s design for the
family, and she submitted to his leadership. God made men and women to be
different. We are different not because of culture or tradition, we are
different by design. And as husbands are called to be loving,
sacrificial leaders in their family, women are designed to complement men, to
fill in where they are weak, and to respect and follow them.
4. “…if
you do good, and do not fear…” They know God’s way is best, so they are not
afraid of what people might think. So we read in Proverbs 31:30, “Charm
is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be
praised.” She knows God, even though the world is such a mess and
there is so much danger and uncertainty that we face, if God is for us, who can
stand against us? We have nothing to fear!
Throughout this context, but
particularly when we are talking about God’s design for the family, the
Scripture is calling us to a counter-cultural lifestyle that flows out of a
biblical worldview. We look around us and
see the direction godless thinking is taking our society, particularly in the area
of human sexuality and the family. Not every family has the ideal, intact,
family situation. But all of us have a
perfect example of a father: “Father
of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation”
(Psalm 68:5). God is the perfect
Father. Jesus is the bridegroom, and
the church is His bride. We love Him and follow Him. Our relationship with our spouse illustrates
our love for God and is a witness to our spouse, to our children, and to the
world.
III. Honor God’s Design and rejoice in His grace:
Choose love (7).
“Likewise,
husbands, live according to knowledge with your wives…”
“Likewise…”,
i.e., “…in the same way…” The first word here is tying this exhortation for
husbands into the previous context. It’s
the same word that began v.1, “Wives,
likewise…” Both these texts refer
back to the foundation in chapter 2:9-11. Peter is saying “Know who you are, and whose you are!” We have been chosen by God, who made us his own, so
that we could proclaim the riches of his grace to the world. So we are different, we are pilgrims,
sojourners and exiles, looking forward to something better. We are not home yet. And so Peter says
we submit ourselves to the delegated authorities, and likewise, men…
“…live according to
knowledge with your wives…”
There
is an ancient Greek saying, “Know thyself…” Peter is saying, “Know thy wife!” He is saying that the
truth he has been talking about, the recognition of who God is, and who we are,
how we fit into His story, should guide our life and our choices, including our
relationship with our wives. As we do
that, we set an example that will impact our children. The
greatest gift a father can give his children is to love and cherish their
mother. That sets an example for them, illustrating the Lord’s love for us and
honoring God’s design for the family. How do we do this? By “…showing honor to the woman, as the weaker vessel, and as joint heirs to
the grace of life…” Look at one phrase at a time…
“…showing honor to the woman…” The word “honor” refers to something that is
valued or treasured. Husbands and wives,
you chose each other. If you know Christ you are also chosen of God! Mary Ann and I got a “vintage looking”
marriage certificate on our honeymoon. I
remember that one line on it said, “…having
chosen one another out of all the species…” We are God’s, a “chosen people”! As husbands cherish their wives, we reflect
God’s love for the church. Give honor to
her.
“…as to the weaker vessel…” What does that
mean? At one level this may be referring
to simple, biological fact that men are naturally physically stronger than
women. Listen: men should never use
their physical size or strength to intimidate a woman. Any man who would hit a woman should be
ashamed of himself. That cannot and should not be tolerated. This passage goes far beyond the prohibition
of physical abuse: he should “honor his wife.” I like the way the NLT puts it, “…She may be weaker than you are, but she is
your equal partner in God's gift of new life…”
Could it be that Peter is referring to how we value something that is
costly or precious, like fine china or an expensive vase? It is “weak” in the
sense that it is fragile, delicate. You take care of it, you keep it in a
special place. You protect it. We don’t
have a lot of expensive “tchotchkes” around the house that we have to worry
about breaking (if we had any I managed to break them over the years!). We do have a couple of old plates that the
owner of an antique shop gave us back in the late 80s or early 90s. I think most of them were left behind (or
broken!) in Brazil. We don’t use the
ones that we have left, we have them in a plate holder on the wall. In any case, when our grandchildren came from
a visit, we looked around the house to make sure there was nothing “breakable”
within reach. We need to protect our wives, watch out for them. Keep them safe.
“…also as heirs with you of the grace of
life…” Listen, there is no question
that God designed men and women to be different. It’s not a choice, it is nature. The Bible teaches
a complementarian view of gender: God has made us different, we complete one another,
he has assigned different roles to men and women in the church, and to husbands
and wives in the family. But when it
comes to spiritual standing before God, our position in Christ, Paul said in
Galatians 3:28, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man,
there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”
Here in I Peter 3:7 Peter uses a compound word, “joint-heirs,” implying unity, oneness. Heirs of what? “Joint-heirs of the grace of life.” It seems certain, this is the “life,” eternal
life, the life of the saved, that flows from God’s grace. We, men and women, by grace through faith,
are His children. So we treat each other
with respect, recognize that God has designed us to complement one
another. Together we long for God’s
design for marriage and the family. That is “counter-cultural,” and it’s a witness to our
family and to the world.
Peter notes a positive consequence: “…so
that your prayers may not be hindered…” The implication is if we don’t know
and honor our wives as God says we should our prayers will be hindered. The connection between honoring your wife and
your prayer life might not be immediately evident. We are told that a result of loving, honoring,
and respecting our wives will be that “…your
prayers may not be hindered…” For
some reason I have always read that in terms of the answers to my prayers, as though my relationship with my wife could
become a direct impediment to God answering my prayers. I don’t thing that is the point.
The
idea is an impediment to some action or movement, some kind of obstacle that
comes between a person and what he desires to do, or knows he should do. How are your prayers “hindered”? It’s not that God is delayed in answering us.
Rather, if our relationship with our spouse is suffering, if it is not what God
designed it to be, we are hindered in asking, our prayer life suffers
because we know we are not where we should be in one important aspect of our
Christian life, i.e. the family, specifically, in our relationship with our
wife. If we are not prayerless, we
certainly “pray less” during those times.
Have you found that to be true? Paul
says in Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love
your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” Peter
says “…you husbands must give honor to
your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together...” That
is something that our children will see and learn from.
What is God saying to me in this passage? Our relationship with our spouse illustrates our love
for God and is a witness to our spouse, to our children, and to the world.
What would God have me to do in response to
this passage? In the next
verse Peter draws a conclusion to this section of his letter, after calling the
believers to recognize and submit to the delegated authorities God has
established, after teaching about the complementary roles that God has
established in marriage, he says,
“Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender
heart, and a humble mind…” (v.8). That is surely an attitude that blesses
our spouse, sets an example for our children, and is a witness to the world. We’ll take a closer look at that next week, but
this is a reminder that we are all called to be missionaries, and it starts at
home. Your oikos, your household. These are the people God has placed in your
life. Your marriage is a part of your
witness. And you are His witness. What do your closest friends and relatives
see? Think about that! AMEN.
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