Pilgrim Perspectives on Marriage and Singleness I Corinthians 7:25-40

Pilgrims, Singleness, and Marriage

I Corinthians 7:25-40

Introduction: Since Mother’s Day or so we’ve had a series of messages that relate to the question of God’s design for marriage. It is an important topic when we realize how the idea of marriage is being reshaped by the world around us. When God created Adam and then took a rib from his side and made Eve, there wasn’t much question that she was literally “made” for him. Yet marriage today is not highly valued in the world, it is not viewed by many as a lifetime, “until death parts us” commitment.  Paul is not, in this chapter, answering every question that we might have concerning marriage, rather, he is answering questions the Corinthians had sent him on the subject.  He just spoke about “contentment” and now urges his readers to apply that principle to their marital state. We started this chapter talking about God’s plan for marriage as it was revealed in creation. Even in that pre-fall reality God said “It is not good for the man to be alone, let us make a helpmate suitable for him.” Marriage changed after the fall, because instead of two sinless humans in a perfect garden, marriage now occurs between two sinners living in a fallen world.  

       In a perfect world we would all be in perfect marriages with a perfect spouse (and guess what, our spouse would have a perfect mate as well!).  Well, in the words of Morpheus, “Welcome to the real world, Neo!” Remember when Jacob served Laban for seven years so that he could marry Rachel, and he so loved her that it seemed like just a few days. And then, on the wedding night, Leah was sent into the marriage tent in her place. The Bible said when Jacob awoke the next morning, and “Behold, it was Leah!”  Listen: It is always Leah!  Our expectations are usually so one sided, so unrealistic, that there are bound to be surprises on both sides, whenever two sinners say “I do.” And then if God gives you children another little sinner (or sinners!) enter the mix to complicate things further!  That is one reason we insist on pre-marital counselling, to help both the future husband and the future wife to understand and prepare for the surprises that lie ahead, and to help put in place mechanisms to deal with them when they come.  Paul’s point at the end of this chapter is that living as pilgrims in a fallen world we should seek God first, obey Him, and trust Him for all things, including our marital state, and the possible spouse that he intends us to have.  And he emphasizes that staying single is not by any means an inferior option, in fact, as we will see, it presents some advantages for carrying out our part in God’s mission in the world.

The Big Idea: Each of us must discern God’s will concerning marriage, and be faithful right now, where we are, to serve Him.

I. Pilgrim Perspective: In view of the big picture be content to wait on God and Trust Him (25-31). As Paul shares his perspective on the question of marriage he calls attention to the complications we face living in a fallen world. Notice the theme carries through this first section,

7:26 “I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is.”

7:29 “This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none…”

7:31b “For the present form of this world is passing away.”

We are pilgrims, just passing through. This age is marked by a clash of kingdoms, by the consequences of sin, by the reality of rebellion against God and his authority. And this age will come to an end at the time God has determined.

There are some translational issues that come up in this passage, should “virgins” be translated, “betrothed” as in the ESV, or merely “virgins,” or perhaps better, as the NLT, “Now concerning the young women who have never married…”?  There is some question as to whether this is directed toward fathers giving their daughters in marriage (as would be the case in many societies in the ancient world) or to betrothed couples deciding whether or not to marry (which culturally would seem a little stranger) but the point is this is talking about the unmarried, about singles. Paul offers some advice, and he urges them to adopt a pilgrim perspective.

Be advised: In the world you will have tribulation (25-27)!   

 ²⁵ Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy.  ²⁶ I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is.  ²⁷ Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife.

“…I have no command from the Lord…” (v.25). Paul is not denying inspiration here, but as we saw earlier in the chapter, he is saying that there is no explicit teaching of Jesus on the subject to which he could refer.  Therefore he speaks as “one who is trustworthy,” that is, as an apostle of Jesus. He’ll end the chapter affirm, “…according to my judgment—and I think I also have the Spirit of God…” Paul is giving advice, sharing wisdom, but God is guiding His word by the Spirit. This too is “God-breathed,” authoritative teaching, rightly understood in its context.

“In view of the current distress…” (v.26). One writer defined this as “…the violent clash between the fallen cosmos and the Kingdom of God…” We know that even within the Biblical narrative we have the testimony of the persecution and tribulation that believers experienced almost from the start. We know that by the end of the book of Acts Nero would be the “Caesar” in power in Rome, the same Nero who would be the architect of intense persecution against the church:  Believers painted in tar or wax and set on fire as torches to light his gardens; others thrown to the lions so the emperor and his guests could enjoy the “sport” of seeing them torn to bits. Jesus said “Do not be surprised if the world hates you, remember, it hated me first!” In the second psalm the psalmist asked, “Why do the nations rage and peoples plot a vain thing, the kings of the earth set themselves against the Lord and against His anointed…” Paul says, “In view of the current distress…” In light of the reality of what we are facing and will face in the world, there are advantages to being single.  That was then and there, we don’t have such concerns here and now do we?  Some certainly do. Imagine the pain and the heartbreak of Christian parents in Syria and Iraq who saw ISIS terrorists put swords to the necks of their children… Those who were single, it was only their own life that was on the line.  The brutality is unimaginable: deny Christ or watch them die!  You might think, “That is Iraq, or Syria, or Pakistan, we live in the USA!” The phrase, “In view of the present distress…” is a descriptor of this present evil age, from Pentecost to the return of Christ.  Jesus likewise said, “In the world you will have tribulation…”   We are seeing more and more evidence of the clash of worldviews, and it seems that conservative Christians are one group that it is ok to publically ridicule and mock. Where will things be a decade from now? Only God knows.  Singleness is good when you consider the distress and pain that can come against God’s people!

Marriage is an option, but life can get complicated (28)! 

²⁸ But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.

Marriage is not a “sin,” but life can get complicated.  God created marriage in the Garden, it is the most intimate of human relationships, such that Jesus used it to illustrate His love for the church.  In Genesis, God called marriage “good” with the rest of His creation.  Look, there are blessings that come with marriage, but also the reality that two sinners, albeit two sinners saved by grace, are merging their lives together.  Then if you have children you have a few more little sinners joining the party!  I remember when I told my father-in-law that Mary Ann and I were going to get married. It wasn’t a long conversation. He looked at me and said, “Married life is the best thing in the world if you find the right partner.” Then he looked at Mary Ann, he looked at me, and he kind of shrugged and walked away!  I wasn’t so sure how to interpret that, but after over 31 years I can say I found the right partner!  That doesn’t mean there were no trials along the way.  Paul says you will have “worldly troubles.” Paul is not trying to be mean, or to deprive someone of happiness in this life. He said, I want to spare you problems, “worldly troubles.”

  

We are pilgrims, we are not home yet, live like it (29-31). The time is short!

²⁹ This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none,  ³⁰ and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods,  ³¹ and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.

The end of the world as we know it is drawing near.  “The appointed time has grown very short.” Well, we might think, nearly 2000 years have passed since Paul wrote! His point is, that this world, as we know it, is temporary, and with every passing day we are closer to the time when God will judge the world in righteousness. The idea behind this seems to be that we need a new perspective, as Colossians 3:1,2 says,

“If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.  ² Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.”

Why? I Corinthians 7:31b tells us, “For the present form of this world is passing away.”  Paul is not saying that we are to sacrifice our relationship with our spouse on the altar of our “spirituality.” He has already said that physical intimacy in marriage is not something that should be neglected. On the contrary, he is saying that every aspect of our life, including our marriage, should be translated through the perspective of eternity and the reality of the already/not yet of the New Creation.  It is a question of what our priority should be. People who have no hope beyond this life live with everything focused on today. Some think about building a legacy that they can pass on to their children and beyond, but only people who recognize that we were created for something better, something eternal, only those with that perspective look forward to the eternal, abiding, New Heaven and New Earth which is promised to those who know God. We understand, in the words of John Piper, that “We are most satisfied when God is most glorified in us.” So we seek Him.

       Paul says even though we are in the world, we are “citizens of heaven.” That perspective will shift your priorities! This world is passing away. Before the financial crisis in 2008 many Americans thought that our financial system was unshakable, the dollar inviable, our future and the future of our children secure. Today, not so much, though our memories are short and some seem to have forgotten already how close we were.  We were close to disaster then, and it wouldn’t take a monumental crisis to push us to the brink again.  When we see how easily some of our cities descended into chaos this year, when we see the (im)morality of our society, the confusion about sexual roles and identity, we need to pray for those in authority so that we can live quiet and peaceable lives. We want to be a voice for righteousness and justice, but we know that this world is perishing, that it is all passing away. Our hope is in something better, we look for a New Heaven and a New Earth.  Paul says in view of all that, he wants to spare you some trouble.  Each of us must discern God’s will concerning marriage, and be faithful where we are, right now, to serve Him.

II. Pilgrim Peace: Be anxious for nothing (32-35)! Rather than have “divided devotion” between God and your spouse, Paul here talks about the advantages of being “single”-minded. Basically, if our heart is set on pleasing our spouse, we ideally also love God and seek him together. But for most of us, it means that God is not at the center of all that we do. He can be and should be.  He was there with Adam and Eve in the Garden. But we live in a fallen world. And even we who follow Jesus are “redeemed sinners.” Paul is saying he doesn’t want to add any stress to peoples’ lives; it’s just a reality that we are more easily able to focus our lives completely on seeking God and His will when we are single…

³² I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.  ³³ But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife,  ³⁴ and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.  ³⁵ I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

Singleness isn’t for everyone.  Notice the “potential” of singleness that Paul points to here, being truly “single-minded,” devoted to the Lord. If you have a gift of singleness thank God for the opportunity of devoting yourself wholly to Him. If you know that isn’t your gift yet you find yourself single, thank Him for the momentary freedom you have for this season of your life, freedom to experience for a time the blessings of singleness in a fallen world, and to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, making intimacy with Jesus and faithfulness in serving Him your over-riding concern. Each of us must discern God’s will concerning marriage, and be faithful where we are to serve Him.

III. Pilgrims, Patience, and Passion: Marriage is good if singleness is not your “gift” (36-38). Whether Paul is talking about virgin daughters or fiancées is uncertain, but the point is that they are “singles.” (Being “betrothed” without plans to eventually marry seems odd since celibacy is assumed by Paul. In many cultures in the ancient world there were “arranged” marriages so that may be what is in view).

 ³⁶ If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry- it is no sin.  ³⁷ But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well.  ³⁸ So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.

The idea here is similar to what we saw in 7:9, marriage is not a sin, and though there are certain advantages to being single, it is better to marry than to burn with passion. Paul is saying here that neither singleness nor being married is inherently more “spiritual.”  Peter was married, Paul was not, both were apostles used greatly of God in the early stages of the church. Billy Graham was married, John Stott was not, but both served God and used their gifts to impact millions. If singleness is your gift, regard it as such, and dedicate yourself to knowing and serving God, and using your gifts to encourage others. If you are single, and you know that singleness is not your gift, trust God, I believe that He will supply the right person as your complement and help mate in His time.  In the meantime recognize the advantages of your current position and seek Him and serve Him.  Each of us must discern God’s will concerning marriage, and be faithful right now, where we are, to serve Him.

IV. Pilgrims’ Promise: Marriage is designed by God as a lifetime commitment so choose carefully (39,40)!

³⁹ A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.  ⁴⁰ Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

Another reason for not rushing into marriage, and also for not looking for a way out if you are married, is that marriage is intended as a lifetime commitment, “Until death do us part.” For the unmarried that is motivation to “choose carefully.” You are making a vow before your betrothed, before the church, and especially before God, to love, honor, and cherish until “death us do part.”  Each of us must discern God’s will concerning marriage, and if we don’t have the gift of singleness we need to choose carefully, and in the meantime be faithful where we are to serve Him.

What is God saying to me in this passage?

Transition to the Lord’s Table: As we’ve been reflecting on marriage and now prepare our hearts for the Lord’s Table, remember that His love for the church is the model and motivation for husbands loving their wives: “Husbands, love you wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her…” That is a convicting verse, as we know how far short we fall in perfect, unselfish, sacrificial love, but that is what we are to strive for.  The Lord’s Table invites us to look back and remember His unfathomable, unconditional, unbreakable love for us. God demonstrated his love for us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.  This is how He showed His love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him.  The table also reminds us that we are pilgrims, it shows forth the Lord’s death until He comes.  Are you looking for the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ?  Think about that, AMEN.