Pilgrim Fathers: A Call to Biblical Manhood - I Peter 3:7

Pilgrim Fathers: A Call to Biblical Manhood

I Peter 3:7

Introduction:  For Mother’s Day this year I chose a rather atypical passage for the message, I Peter 3:1-6 and entitled the message “Pilgrim Mothers: The Beautiful Example of Biblical Submission.”  The big idea I tried to emphasize was that godly mothers lead by example, as they show their children the beauty of God’s design for the family.  That was a little “controversial”!  I hinted then that for Father’s Day I might come back to the same context and we’d take a look at v.7 which explicitly applies the idea of “Pilgrim Living” to husbands (and fathers), as I believe the text also shows the kind of example men are called to give to our children.   A few weeks back we looked at Deuteronomy 6:4-9 which showed the responsibility we have to teach and disciple our children.  We teach, not only by word, but perhaps even more so, by example.  Remember the scene from the movies “Jaws” when Sheriff Brodie was in deep thought, sitting at the table, and then the camera panned back, showing his son copying his every movement? [see a clip at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04mIMg4PTO8].  Whether we know it or not, for better or for worse, our example teaches.  Today I want to focus on what I believe is the greatest, must impactful gift that fathers can give their children: loving and cherishing their mother.

Throughout this context, but particularly when we are talking about God’s design for the family, the Scripture is calling us to a counter-cultural lifestyle that flows out of a biblical worldview.  We look around us and the evidence is overwhelming of the direction godless thinking is taking our society, particularly in the area of human sexuality and the family. And we need to recognize the reality, that is, since we live in a fallen world, not every family has the ideal, intact, family situation.  But all of us have a perfect example of a father: “Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation” (Psalm 68:5).  God is the perfect Father.  Jesus, as the bridegroom, is the perfect husband (to the church). That is a good thing, since we live in a fallen world and we all fall so far short.  The problems we see in the world should not surprise us, they were predicted by Paul nearly 2000 years ago. This is from 2 Timothy 3:1-5, the NLT:

You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times.  ² For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred.  ³ They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good.  ⁴ They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God.  ⁵ They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!

Does that sound familiar? Is that not describing the attitudes and actions that seem to be manifested more and more in the world around us?  Notice what it says about love: they love only themselves and their money (3:2), they are unloving and unforgiving (v.3), and they love pleasure rather than God (v.4).  Those attitudes are exactly the kind of thinking that is at the root of the decline in the family and of much conflict in marriage, and it paints a poor picture for our children in obscuring God’s design for marriage and the family.

A reminder: There is no sense that all the privileges go to the husband and all the responsibilities go to the wife (this text will make that clear). The Christian worldview was radical in its setting since it was “normal” for societies to be dominated by men.  God designed humans in His image, and He created them male and female to be different, complementary, one completing the other.  Today we’ll focus on I Peter 3:7.

The Big Idea: The greatest gift a father can give his children is to love and cherish their mother. That sets an example for them, illustrating the Lord’s love for us and honoring God’s design for the family.

I. The Call: “Likewise, husbands, live according to knowledge with your wives…”

            “Likewise…”, i.e., “…in the same way…” The first word here is tying this exhortation for husbands into the previous context.  It’s the same word that began v.1, “Wives, likewise…”  Both these texts refer back to the foundation in chapter 2:9-11,

⁹ But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.  ¹⁰ Once you were not a people, but now you are God's people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.  ¹¹ Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul.   

We have been chosen by God, who made us his own, so that we could proclaim the riches of his grace to the world.  So we are different, we are pilgrims, sojourners and exiles, looking forward to something better.  We are not home yet. And so Peter says as we submit ourselves to the delegated authorities,

“…live according to knowledge with your wives…”

I see a connection here with what we’ve been learning about the word “knowledge,” gnosis, in First Corinthians.  Peter uses the same word here. In First Corinthians Paul contrasts the wisdom and philosophy of the world, with God’s absolute truth. I don’t think Peter is just saying “live wisely” here. He is saying that the truth he has been talking about, the recognition of who God is, and who we are, how we fit into His story, should guide our life and our choices. We are pilgrims, and we are His, so we want to live in a way that honors His design for humans, and for the family. As we do that, we set an example that will impact our children.  The greatest gift a father can give his children is to love and cherish their mother. That sets an example for them, illustrating the Lord’s love for us and honoring God’s design for the family.

II. The Components: “…showing honor to the woman, as the weaker vessel, and as joint heirs to the grace of life…”

       “…showing honor to the woman…”  The word “honor” refers to something that is valued or treasured. Ray Pritchard (keepbelieving.com) told the following story… 

…called “Johnny Lingo’s Eight-Cow Wife.” The story takes place on a primitive Pacific island called Kiniwata, where a man paid the dowry for his wife in cows. Two or three cows could buy a decent wife, four or five a very nice one. But Johnny Lingo had offered an unheard of eight cows for Sarita, a girl whom everyone in her home village thought rather plain looking. The local folks all made fun of Johnny, who they thought was crazy to pay so much for a wife. But when the teller of the story finally sees Johnny Lingo’s wife, she is stunned by her beauty. How could this be the same woman the villagers talked about? What has happened? How did she become so beautiful? Johnny’s reply shows that he’s nobody’s fool:

“Do you ever think,” he asked, “what it must mean to a woman to know that her husband has settled on the lowest price for which she can be bought? And then later, when the women talk, they boast of what their husbands paid for them. One says four cows, another maybe six. How does she feel, the woman who was sold for one or two? This could not happen to my Sarita.” “Then you did this just to make your wife happy?” “I wanted Sarita to be happy, yes. But I wanted more than that. You say she is different. This is true. Many things can change a woman. Things that happen inside, things that happen outside. But the thing that matters most is what she thinks about herself. In Kiniwata, Sarita believed she was worth nothing. Now she knows she is worth more than any other woman in the islands.”

“Then you wanted—.”

“I wanted to marry Sarita. I loved her and no other woman.”

“But—.” I was close to understanding.

“But,” he finished softly, “I wanted an eight-cow wife.”

Johnny wanted to show honor to his wife, to value her. Because she felt treasured, it transformed her. And you know, as pilgrims living in a fallen world, we might want to nuance that, because even more important is the truth that God values her more than she could imagine.  Remember the words of Peter in 1 Peter 2:9,

“…you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood,

a holy nation, a people for his own possession…”

Mary Ann and I got an “vintage looking” marriage certificate on our honeymoon.  I remember that one line on it said, “…having chosen one another out of all the species…”  We are God’s, a “chosen people”! As husbands cherish their wives, we reflect God’s love for the church.  As we love our wives, our children see that, and they learn from it. Richard and Joanne C. just had their 59^th wedding anniversary. When they were asked at our small group meeting what advice they could give, one thing Richard said was as simple as it was profound, “Just keep loving.”  That is it! Give honor to her.

       “…as to the weaker vessel…” This metaphor has been a struggle for me. How do we honor a “weaker vessel”? Why would we? What does that mean?  At one level this may be referring to the simple, biological fact that men are naturally physically stronger than women.  Listen: men should never use their physical size or strength to intimidate a woman.  And any man who would hit a woman should be ashamed of himself. That cannot and should not be tolerated.  This passage goes far beyond the prohibition of physical abuse: he should “honor his wife.” I like the way the NLT puts it, “…She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life…”

I think this is referring to how we value something that is costly or precious, like fine china or an expensive vase. It is weak in the sense that it is fragile, delicate. You take care of it and protect it, you keep it in a special place.  We don’t have a lot of expensive “tchotchkes” around the house that we have to worry about breaking (if we had any I managed to break them over the years!).  We do have a couple of old plates that the owner of an antique shop gave us back in the late 80s or early 90s.  I think most of them were left behind (or broken!) during our years in Brazil.  We don’t really use the ones that we have left, we have them in a plate holder on the wall.  In any case, when our two-year old granddaughter came for a visit, we looked around the house to make sure there was nothing “breakable” or dangerous within reach.  Certainly if you have something that is precious, that you treasure, you want to keep it in a safe place, you protect it. I think this has to go beyond physically protecting our wife and family. Because we treasure our wife we stand up for her and keep her safe from the thoughtless or cruel words of others. When your wife feels treasured, she will be a treasure.

       “…also as heirs with you of the grace of life…”  This might seem obvious to us, but it was somewhat radical in the first century. Many societies might have accorded second class status to women, but Peter is making it clear, they are spiritually equal, “heirs with you [co-heirs] of the grace of life…”  That puts the man and the woman on the same plain, side by side. Listen, there is no question that God designed men and women to be different.  It’s not a choice, it is nature. We take a complementarian view to what the Bible says about humans: God has made us different, we complete one another, he has assigned different roles to men and women in the church, and to husbands and wives in the family.  But when it comes to spiritual standing before God, our position in Christ, Paul said in Galatians 3:28, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Here in I Peter 3:7 Peter uses a compound word, “joint-heirs,” implying unity, oneness. Heirs of what? “Joint-heirs of the grace of life.”  It seems certain, this is the “life,” eternal life, the life of the saved, that flows from God’s grace.  We, men and women, by grace through faith, are His children.  So we treat each other with respect, we recognize that God has designed us to complement one another.  Together we long for God’s design for marriage and the family.  The greatest gift a father can give his children is to love and cherish their mother. That sets an example for them, illustrating the Lord’s love for us and honoring God’s design for the family.

III. The consequence: “…so that your prayers may not be hindered…”

            The connection between honoring your wife and your prayer life might not be immediately evident.  We are told that a result of loving, honoring, and respecting our wives will be that “…your prayers may not be hindered…”  For some reason I have always read that in terms of the answers to my prayers, as though my relationship with my wife could become a direct impediment to God answering my prayers.  But that isn’t what it says, is it?  First notice the word, “hindered” here.  It occurs only five or six times in the New Testament, three of them are illustrative of the meaning...

Romans 15:22 “This is the reason why I have so often been hindered from coming to you.”

Galatians 5:7 “You were running well. Who hindered you from obeying the truth?”

1 Thessalonians 2:18 “…because we wanted to come to you- I, Paul, again and again- but Satan hindered us.”

The idea is an impediment to some action or movement, some kind of obstacle that comes between a person and what he desires to do, or knows he should do.  What does it mean for your prayers to be hindered?  Not that God is delayed or hindered in answering, but rather, if our relationship with our spouse is suffering, if it is not what God designed it to be, we are hindered in asking, our prayer life suffers because we know we are not where we should be in one important, fundamental aspect of our Christian life, i.e. the family, or more specifically, our relationship with our wife.  If we are not prayerless, we certainly “pray less” during those times.  So our prayers are hindered.  We are not comfortable talking to God because we know that he’ll tell us we need to be talking to our spouse. Have you found that to be true?  Paul says in Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” Peter says here, “…you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together...” That is something that our children will see and learn from.

What is God saying to me in this passage? The greatest gift a father can give his children is to love and cherish their mother. That sets an example for them, illustrating the Lord’s love for us and honoring God’s design for the family. 

What would God have me to do in response to this passage?  In the next verse Peter draws a conclusion to this section of his letter, after calling the believers to recognize and submit to the delegated authorities God has established, after teaching about the complementary roles that God has established in the marriage relationship, he says, “Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind…” (v.8). That sounds like another sermon, but it is surely an attitude that applies to husbands and wives, and sets an example for our children. It models for them God’s design for the family.  Think about that,     AMEN.