Family Life: Love, Learning, and Law I Corinthians 4:14-21

Family Life: Love, Learning, and Law

I Corinthians 4:14-21

Introduction: In this letter Paul has used different images to express the life of believers and of the church. We, like the Corinthians, are saints, set apart for God from the world. You might not feel “holy,” and like the Corinthians we might not always act “holy” but because we are His, we are “set apart” for God from the world. We are also servants, who seek to do the master’s will (or should!), who work alongside other servants to do our small part in God’s mission. We are stewards, who take seriously the call to use what the Master has entrusted to us. And because we have taken Him at His Word, and trusted in the message of the cross, we are “wise” even though in the eyes of the world we might be considered “fools.” Repeatedly Paul has also used the term “brothers” to address the Corinthians.  He wanted to convey the image of a family, and to assure the Corinthians of the brotherly love he had for them.  Implicit in the idea of “family” is the love that we have (or should have!) for one another. The church isn’t like a family, it is a family. Because we are a family in Christ we love each other. That includes watching out for one another, bearing each other’s burdens, and being willing at times to risk showing “tough love.” As Paul seeks to instruct and correct the behavior of the Corinthians he establishes here his unique relationship with them in the family: out of all their teachers, only he could be called their “father.”

Remember the famous Mark Twain quote, “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in just seven years.” The Corinthians were still 14. Well, maybe younger since he did call them “babes in Christ” in the preceding context! And like a parent who will not stop loving their adolescent, Paul will continue to reach out, guide, and direct them.

The Big Idea: Love in a family means sharing in each other’s lives, learning from each other, wanting the best for each other, and even being willing to confront sin because we care.

I. Love in the family: Guided by love in the family (14-15). 

¹⁴ I do not write these things to make you ashamed, but to admonish you as my beloved children.  ¹⁵ For though you have countless guides in Christ, you do not have many fathers. For I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel. 

       The tender affection that Paul has for his fellow believers is evident in these verses.  The word order in v.14 sets up the emphatic contrast.  Grammatically it is laid out in a kind of parallelism called “chiasm.” The verb is the first word of the first part of the verse, and it is being contrasted with the last word of second part of the verse. We read in v.14,

“Not to shame you do I write these things

                                                BUT as my beloved children

                                   To admonish you…”

He had no desire to shame them (well, at least that wasn’t the goal, that isn’t where he wanted to leave them!).  That wasn’t why he was writing such a direct, confrontational letter.  He didn’t want to “beat them up” because they weren’t where they should have been in their Christian experience. He didn’t desire to put them down or embarrass them. Quite the contrary he had another motivation, another goal in writing to them.  He wanted to correct their understanding, knowing that sound doctrine and right thinking would lead to right living. Theology for Paul is always practical, the “indicative” of who we are and what we have in Christ leads to the “imperative,” the emphatic call to live in the light of that truth. We see here Paul’s heart as a pastor and as their spiritual father,

“…BUT as my beloved children…”

Koine Greek uses a few different words that are translated “but” in English, and this is the most emphatic.  Paul is saying most emphatically, “not THAT, but [quite the contrary] THIS.” The first clue to his intent is the descriptor he uses of the Corinthians. Not “brothers” this time, but “as my beloved children” he addresses them.  He is speaking as a parent to the children whom he loves. In the light of that relationship he is writing to them, not to “shame you”, but…

“…to admonish you…”

Some translations render this, “to warn you,” though “admonish” may convey the idea of the word in this context better. The context clearly shows warning that is motivated by love for the one who is straying, with the desire of drawing them back to the path God would want them to walk. The idea seems to be “confronting, not wanting to alienate or embitter, but to gently correct.” Paul used this word as he spoke to the Ephesian elders in Acts 20, knowing that imprisonment awaited him and that he might not see them again: “Therefore be alert, remembering that for three years I did not cease night or day to admonish everyone with tears.”  This is not brow beating someone into obedience, but like a father, loving, directing, correcting, all with a view to the good and the growth of the people.  As a parent, have you ever said to your child, “This is going to hurt me more than it’s going to hurt you”? That really is true, isn’t it? Paul admonished the Ephesians with “tears” during his time there, and there were probably a few tear stains on this letter to the Corinthians.

“You have many ‘guides…’” = paidagogous.  You have many “tutors,” not teachers in the modern sense, but the word referred to the servants who watched after the children in the family, trying to direct their behavior as they matured. Paul uses this image to describe our mutual interdependence in the church: we need each other, we learn from each other, build each other up.  A great study on what God intends for the church is to go through the New Testament and start underlining all of the “one another” statements!  Those statements remind us of what the church should look like. We should love one another, care for one another, encourage one another, bear one another’s burdens. God intends for us to grow, together, as a body, as a family, as a community of faith.  “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17).  We need each other.  It’s how God designed us. If we think otherwise it only exposes our arrogance.

“…you have many guides, but not many fathers…

for in Christ Jesus through the gospel I became yours…”   

That is all good, we need each other, and Paul in this context is especially emphasizing the idea of the church as a family. He has done that repeatedly through this letter by calling the Corinthians “brothers.”  He has used the word seven times already in this letter, and by the time he finishes he will have used it 39 times, more than any New Testament book except Acts. But Paul’s exhortation to the Corinthians here is even more personal than that: he is their spiritual father, God used him to bring them the gospel and get the church started in Corinth.  It was through Paul that they first heard the Word of the Cross and believed.  There might be a few who, like Mark Twain, thought their “father” was so ignorant they could barely stand to have the old man around, but he loved them nonetheless, and the news he had heard about what was happening in the church no doubt broke his heart. And so, like a father to his children, he wrote this letter.  Love in a family means sharing in each other’s lives, learning from each other, wanting the best for each other, and even being willing to confront sin because we care.

II. “Learning” in the family: Follow my example, like father like son (16-17). Paul is more direct in inviting the Corinthians to consider his example than most of us would be…

¹⁶ I urge you, then, be imitators of me.  ¹⁷ That is why I sent you Timothy, my beloved and faithful child in the Lord, to remind you of my ways in Christ, as I teach them everywhere in every church. 

“I urge you, then…” “Then” has the sense, “therefore,” in light of the fact that I love you like my children, I urge you to change your behavior, to remember who you are, follow my example.  The verb here, “parakaleo,” is related to the word used for the Comforter, the Holy Spirit, in the upper room discourse in John. Paul is coming alongside of the Corinthians because he cares about them, he loves them as a spiritual father and he doesn’t want to break them or bully them, he wants to help them get back on track so they can learn and grow and reach their full potential in Christ.  The noun form of this root word is used to describe Barnabas, “the son of encouragement.” Paul wants to teach right doctrine and encourage right thinking, and for Paul that will always lead to right actions. Notice the end of v.17, “as I teach everywhere in every church.” It wasn’t only for the Corinthians that Paul was emphasizing practical theology, Christian living based on the Word of Christ. There is a connection between sound doctrine and right living. It wasn’t enough to know theology for Paul, you had to live it. 

       “…Be imitators of me…” We get the English word “mimic” from this root. Paul is saying, “Follow my example, do as I do.” What a great thing to be able to tell your children, wow!  Whether or not we invite that kind of imitation, whether or not our kids ever admit it, they will be profoundly influenced by the example we set. I’ve told you before about the shortest, most convicting sermon I ever heard.  It was over 20 years ago, but I still remember it, word for word. As we were walking down the darkened stairway of the church I pastored in New Jersey I told Sarah, three or four years old at the time, “Hold my hand honey, stick close…”  She replied, “OK Dad, I’ll follow you, you follow God.” BAM! That was convicting then and it still is today! Our children learn from us, and more than we realize, for better or for worse, they learn from our example. I remember hearing more than once when I was growing up, “Do as I say, not as I do!” Examples speak loudly, often more loudly than words.

“…for this reason I send to you Timothy my beloved child [like you] and faithful in the Lord [not so much like you?]…”  

After Paul says to follow his example, he says that is exactly why he sent Timothy to them. Like them, he is a beloved son in the Lord. Apparently, unlike them, he is faithful in the Lord. Paul seems to be holding Timothy up as an example, as someone in whom they can see Paul’s character and way of life. He knew Paul’s teaching and lived it himself. There is a family likeness that was passed from Paul to Timothy, and he wants the Corinthians to see and learn from it.  Love in a family means sharing in each other’s lives, learning from each other (from our life as well as our words), wanting the best for each other, and even being willing to confront sin because we care.

III. Law in the family: Because Abba loves us, he has given us boundaries, and consequences (18-21)!

¹⁸ Some are arrogant, as though I were not coming to you.  ¹⁹ But I will come to you soon, if the Lord wills, and I will find out not the talk of these arrogant people but their power.  ²⁰ For the kingdom of God does not consist in talk but in power.  ²¹ What do you wish? Shall I come to you with a rod, or with love in a spirit of gentleness?

        When I use the term “law” here (to preserve the alliteration!) I am talking about the limits or the boundaries that families impose for the good of the members, especially thinking of parents and children. Did you ever hear when you were growing up, “Wait till your father gets home!” I certainly did when I was a child!  Often!  My dad was a policeman, and with the large family we had he usually worked two jobs.  Mom did her best.  To be fair, there were seven of us children, and we lived out in the country, surrounded by woods and a couple of family farms. The boundaries were somewhat loose by the time I was 9 or 10 years old or so, and I would still push things as far as I could, along with my older sister and five younger brothers.  I remember one occasion, I am not sure what I did, but my mother said those words, “Wait till you father gets home!” I replied, “I DON’T CARE!”  For a moment I was acting like I didn’t care that Daddy was coming home!  I don’t remember much else about that day, I am pretty sure it didn’t go well for me!  Paul here says some are arrogant, they are talking big, but he was coming home! There would be a confrontation because he knew who he was in Christ, he was sent by him and authorized as his spokesman.  The language he uses here echoes back to the contrast between the wisdom of the world (“their word” = logos) versus the word of the cross which is power (dunamis). 

            Think about it, why does God give us boundaries? Even in the garden, before the fall, he told Adam not to eat of the tree. Did He want to deprive him of some wonderful experience?  He is not seeking to limit us or deprive us or to impede our growth. He loves us and wants to save us from pain and heartbreak!  His way really is the best way. And so He has placed us in a family. A biological family that is designed to nurture, protect, and care for us as we grow up. And a church family, that watches out for us, loves us in the Lord, and wants us to experience maturity in Christ so that we can live the abundant life for which we were created.

What is God saying to me in this passage? Love in a family means sharing in each other’s lives, learning from each other, wanting the best for each other, and even being willing to confront sin because we care.

What would God have me to do in response to this passage? The church is not like a family, it is a family.  Sometimes it is very informal times together, like sharing lunch after church or inviting someone over for dinner. One of the best settings that we can experience “family life” is in a small group. Have you experienced that?  Are you experiencing it now? Some of our groups will stop their weekly meetings for a couple of months in the summer, others may continue, but formal or informal God designed us for community, more than that, to be a family. That means we love one another, we learn together, from each other, and especially from Abba. We watch out for one another, pray for one another, and because we care, we’ll ask the hard questions and confront harmful behavior. After all, we want to be more like Daddy – we want to carry well the name He has given us: Christian, children of the King.    Is that your heart’s desire? Should it be? Think about that, AMEN.